


Keep Quiet and Burn with Desire

by Storylandqueen



Category: Dark Matter (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Episode Related, M/M, Protectiveness, S01E05, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 06:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4425839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storylandqueen/pseuds/Storylandqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was such a strange compulsion to have for someone he couldn’t stand, but it was still there beating out a steady rhythm in his head, the need to protect protect protect and Three wondered what it was about One that his mind couldn’t remember and his body couldn’t forget. He couldn’t stand him, but he had to keep One safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Quiet and Burn with Desire

_“It's weird to feel like you miss someone you're not even sure you know.” ― David Foster Wallace_

 

The infirmary, for reasons that Three couldn’t actually name, gave him the creeps and the lack of a memory, of a history of things to avoid ever repeating again, left him as a man that listened to the voice in the back of his head and walked along the path of intuition. Instinct was a powerful force and a better friend than any of the people he shared a ship with, something that Three would not be dissuaded of until he had fresh evidence to say otherwise, so allowing himself to walk the halls to Two’s room was partly answering an instinct and partly holding a test for their assumed leader.

Assumed, and yet Three had the feeling she’d been in charge before the memory wipe as well. He didn’t have any proof, it was just a feeling, but feelings seemed just as trustworthy as anything else happened to be.

In the privacy of his own room before their visit to the space station, Three had stripped down and searched himself, looking for scars that might clue him into who he was, if he was the kind of guy that had been shot a time or ten, or if there were any small, precise lines from surgeries, injection marks from needles for any reason. It was, by and large, utterly disappointing that he was a blank canvas, although Three would also happily say he was a frankly marvelous canvas to behold.

It didn’t offer any evidence for his aversion to the infirmary, however, because no scars probably meant no traumatic surgeries or experiments or whatever caused his skin to crawl at the thought of someone examining him, unless he never let doctors get their hands on him. It was probably an irrational fear, he knew, but easy enough to indulge as he pushed the button outside of Two’s door, waiting for her to let him in with a bowed head, hands braced on the frame of the door to hold up his weight as he pushed against it. It hurt some, his shoulder twingeing unpleasantly as an acidic burn dripped through his muscles in response to any sort of stretch or pull, regardless of the effort involved in the motion. It hurt, but Three still lifted his head and gave a smile befitting the most cavalier of scoundrels as Two’s door opened, the woman’s arms crossed as she stared at him in a distinctly impatient manner. He hadn’t even opened his mouth yet, which answered the question of how upset she still was about the lost shipment of guns and Three wondered if One had already showed up outside her door with sad eyes filled with defeat, a puppy that had been scolded and was desperate to get back in the good graces of its Master. Or Mistress, as it so happened.

Maybe One was the problem he was dealing with, standing there in the doorway of Two’s room, because it all came back to One.

“Gonna let me in?” Three asked when Two didn’t greet him, unruffled by the cold shoulder and unwilling to let it stop him.

“Do you need something?” Two asked in reply, sharp and blunt and directly to the point because she wasn’t a woman that wasted time and Three appreciated that about her, he really did because it meant that things got done, even if it wasn’t necessarily what he wanted.

He hadn’t planned on letting the pain show to anyone because that would have meant he was weak and weakness wasn’t good, but Two was a good leader, the kind that wanted her crew cared for instead of tossing them aside the moment she saw a chance for an upgrade in membership. So Three flexed, pushed himself off the frame of the door to let the rush of poisonous burning flood them him and make his muscles bunch up, tense and tight with displease and he didn’t try to hide the flicker of pain on his face it caused.

Just as he thought, that wince was all it took for Two’s arms to unfold slightly, a physical sign of her defenses coming down as her brows knit together. “What’s wrong?” She asked in a completely different tone, evaluating as she searched for an answer because calculating what was best was practically her job, but how could she do that when she didn’t know what was wrong?

“Ah, nothing,” Three told her dismissively, brushing it aside as he tentatively rolled his shoulder and shifted his posture minutely. “Just something from down on the space station, figured it would go away in a few days after it finishes hurting like a bitch. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, what happened on the space station.”

Two’s response was immediate and firm, “You should have gone to the Infirmary.”

“What for?” He replied, once again blowing the injury off because if he didn’t do something about it, that meant that she had to. “It’s not like I’m bleeding or anything. Can we talk or what?”

The corners of Two’s eyes seemed to tighten as she looked at him in frustration, but it didn’t take much to wait her out, the expression gone in the next blink before she was stepping backwards, waving him inside. “Get in here.”

“Great,” He said absently, looking around as soon as he walked across the threshold, not so much in curiosity, but out of habit. What was valuable, where could he escape, where was any danger likely to come from? Not things he should question in Two’s room, but they all seemed like questions he needed to answer even if his external behaviour was nonchalant, utterly unconcerned as he heard the door close behind him.

“What did you do?” Two asked as she circled around to his front so he could see her before she reached out, her hand going for his shoulder.

“No clue,” He lied blithely, thinking the word _tilt._ “Just wanted to come here and apologize for losing the shipment. We could really use the money around here and I know that was sloppy. But One, you know… I don’t think he’s ready for that kind of thing.”

“And you are?” Two asked in a way that sounded like a challenge, her hand suddenly squeezing tighter than he would have expected her to be capable of, making Three hiss out a breath.

“I’m injured right now, you can’t hold that against me.” He protested.

Judging by the distinctly unimpressed look on Two’s face, she thought she could. “Take off your jacket and shirt.”

“Not even going to buy me dinner first, boss?” He quipped automatically, the response coming out before his brain could give any input on if it was a wise remark to make or not.

“I want to see if you have any bruising,” Two replied with a tip of her head, her voice almost sounding chastising, like she didn’t have time for any of his shit and Three should know it and therefore not question her even if he didn't understand her motivation. She said jump, he needed to start jumping and if she said strip, Three’s clothes needed to be on her floor. “I might be able to help.”

Only expecting enough sympathy to get him in long enough to plant a seed of doubt in Two’s mind about One, Three found he wasn’t too surprised by Two’s offer, if it could be called that. It sounded better than her forcing him to the Infirmary or giving him drugs they couldn’t afford replacing without knowing the problem. Letting out a huff of air, Three nodded and worked off his jacket, taking off his shirt next by working each arm free individually in an attempt not to move any more than needed. He was sure that Two was watching his every move attentively, maybe to see how quickly he could move or how limited his mobility was, or maybe something else, Three didn’t know any certainties beyond the heat of her eyes staring without compunction, things like shame and modesty kept aside for other people.

“Do your magic,” He invited without need, Two was already reaching out to him as soon as his clothes were thrown in the opposite direction of the bed to land on a chair thanks to unerring accuracy. Her fingertips were ghosting along the curve of a shoulder blade, barely pressing into skin as she felt at knotted muscles, Three holding himself tense and steady until a hand swept down the length of his back to press at the base of his spine, pushing him forward.

“Lay down on the bed,” She directed in a voice that showed she didn’t expect to be questioned again. Three wondered if she ever considered not being in charge, if there were any of them on board that she herself would actually answer to, beyond the possibility of Six.

Since he hadn’t finished what he’d set out to accomplish, Three didn’t waste either of their time with hesitating, taking the steps necessary to travel the distance to her bed and sprawl out on it face down, letting out a little groan at the way he sunk into it. “I’m standing by what I said about One, you know.” Three said as he felt Two’s weight on him, straddling his hips before warm, strong hands settled on his shoulders, pressing and rubbing like she was searching for something. Whatever she was hunting for, her every touch hurt, prompting Three to bite the inside of his cheek as he adjusted to the ache turning into a heat radiating pain.

“He wouldn’t be on this ship if he couldn’t handle it,” Two answered, either dismissively or distractedly, palm sliding along his arm until she could curl fingers around his wrist, the grip strong as it guided Three’s arm to twist around behind his back. Judging by the strength in her hands, Three had little doubt the woman knew just how to twist and press to break things if she desired, she could incapacitate him without blinking, but Three didn’t plan on being within reaching distance if he ever provoked her that much.

“No, Jace Corso could handle it,” Three corrected her, feeling a little thrill at knowing something she didn’t. “But One… I don’t know, I think he may have forgotten that he needed to be a criminal. I mean, just look at the kid - there’s gotta be a reason she’s on board, right, but you wouldn’t stick her in the middle of a gunfight, would you?”

Bringing up Five was a low move made just to prey on any protective instincts Two might have had and Three knew it, but he was willing to use any tricks he could think of to help plant that seed of doubt in Two’s mind about One’s competence because while Three’s first instinct after seeing Two was _follow_ , it only took a single glance at One for his blood to sing _protect._

It was annoying as fuck, much like the guy in question, but Three was working on the side of his instincts and couldn’t do that if he only listened to them when it was convenient for him.

As if to punctuate his statement, Two’s hands moved swiftly, fingers sinking into skin as she pushed, her other hand pulling, guiding his body into place however she liked and the pain was sharper than he’d expected, something as hot and swift as a flare going up. A choked noise managed to fight it’s way out of him and if Two was helping him, Three really didn’t want to get on her bad side, but her hands were letting go even if it felt like her fingerprints had been embedded into his bones. “You should rest, but you’re fine.”

“Well, yeah, I already knew that, thanks,” Three snarked, face still scrunched up in displeasure from the throbbing pain that echoed from her touch.

“And… you may be right,” Two admitted, her confession sounding unwilling enough that Three bit back the comment about being right a lot and knowing that, too. “One’s earnest, but he’s soft. Sweet, and that can be a dangerous thing in a job like this.”

It must have been her voice, the way it was almost considerate, that tipped him off, or maybe it was the way she wasn’t using examples that did it, but her words triggered warning bells in his mind, a gut clenching suspicion that made Three raise up partially on the bed, disregarding her weight as he tried to twist and meet her face. “He hit on you, didn’t he?” Three accused, almost indignant over the idea.

There was a faint veneer of surprise on Two’s face as she rocked back, her weight settling a little lower as she said, “That’s none of your business.”

“That’s not a no,” Three pointed out, which made him fairly certain the answer was yes. Judging by the way the corners of Two’s mouth tightened, she knew that as well.

“He’s sweet,” She repeated, as if Three might not know that. “He’d get attached and then he’d be unprofessional. It would be complicated, he’d want a relationship and I’m not here play the role of his girlfriend.”

“He _would_ be a hopeless loverboy, wouldn’t he?” Three agreed with a huff of mirthless laughter that was muffled by Two’s sheets, a little bit of the tension easing out of him. “You’re in charge around here and he’ll listen because you’re our fearless leader, but say yes to him... obeying is a little harder when you know the boss is human.”

“Personal and professional lives need to stay separate and I haven’t seen anything from him that says I can trust him to keep his objectivity.” Two said on a sigh, the words so formal and scripted that Three wondered just who she was justifying her choice to, or if she was saying it as practice for when she had to turn One down again.

“That’s what happens when you have feelings, being rational gets shot to hell,” Three said with a touch of sympathy as he settled back down. “It’s always easier when it’s just sex.”

“Remembering from experience?”

“Nah, it’s just… think that’s the kind of guy I am, you know? Don’t get tied down, don’t get attached, you get the job done and enjoy yourself on the side.” So simple and logical, so nice to believe in as long as you could keep feelings locked out.

But what was an instinct, if not a feeling?

“So what you’re saying,” Two began, her hands moving in circular motions, “Is that if I want sex without strings attached, I need you.”

That actually hadn’t been what Three meant to imply, but before he had the chance to say anything to get back to his earlier thread of conversation or at least safer waters, Two’s door sounded. She was off him as swiftly as a shadow disappearing in light at the noise, her steps hardly audible over Three's breathing and pounding heart as he rolled over onto his back and exhaled, staring up at the ceiling.

He closed his eyes, unconcerned about whomever was at Two’s door as long as they didn’t disturb him, but that lasted only until he realized he could hear One’s voice and Three imagined Two calling him soft and sweet again. Grimacing at the thought, Three made a noise that was sure to draw One’s attention inside the room as he straightened up, turning his head towards the door and giving a greeting and a wave, completely unashamed at being caught in their leader’s room without a shirt on even if he was working at getting dressed again.

It was worth it just to see One’s face, the way everything slid off it to leave his expression a smooth painting of shock, his eyes wide and lips parted, too sweet and too soft, _yes._

Something warm that didn’t feel like pain at all brushed against Three’s senses and he ignored it by ignoring One, letting Two, who hadn’t seemed fazed by his interruption beyond maybe fond annoyance, deal with him. He could still hear them both, heard One trying to cover himself and Two accepting because she was the professional that got things done between all of them and Three wasn’t about to deny that. It seemed safe to look if they were leaving, except as Three turned to face them while tugging on his jacket, all he could see was One still in the doorway, staring stiff and frozen and looking like all the breath had been punched out of him.

 _Let him think what he wants,_ Three thought to himself, standing upright and staring back evenly before turning his head to indicate the bed with a nod, a grin starting to creep across his face. It could have been an implication or it could have been an invitation, either way One’s head still jerked back and forth like he couldn’t handle looking away when Two called out to him.

Truthfully, the reaction left Three feeling pretty good about himself, a satisfied chuckle vibrating his throat as he watched the door slide closed.

***

The memory of their encounter burned beneath Three’s skin when they all assembled together later on in the shuttle, the recollection of it so much stronger for the lack of other memories to drown it out. One sounded so snide when he called the guns a precaution and it was enough to make Three fight back a laugh because it was so obvious, so transparent that he was lashing out over catching Three with Two.

He made a quip about rats, but the truth was that going anywhere without a gun seemed like the highest level of idiocy and being unarmed actually felt like missing a limb to him. Maybe he’d been betrayed by someone before, caught off-guard and unable to fight back because there was a gun to his head instead of one in his hand, maybe he hadn’t been able to protect someone. He didn’t know and it didn’t really matter because he wasn’t going anywhere without his guns and One could pull an attitude if he wanted, but Three knew which one of them One hadn’t been able to stop staring at.

One hadn’t questioned his presence there, hadn’t directed all of his attention towards Two, in fact hadn’t even seemed to notice when she left until she called out for him. No, One had laid sights on him and reacted like the rest of his world had blown away in ashes without any sad glances in Two’s direction and that didn’t seem like the response of a guy that was watching his love interest be stolen away.

One might have been protesting his guns, but Three didn’t care, not if it meant calming the fierce urge inside of him to keep One safe.

***

Protecting One didn’t mean pretending he couldn’t be a pain in the ass, all of his morals and good intentions sounding like rules that chafed against Three like sandpaper rubbing at skin already flailed open. Three despised it and took a sort of bitter satisfaction in knowing One would never believe that his underhanded behavior was all in One’s best interest. If One wouldn’t listen to him, then blackmail was the answer to keeping One indebted to him, close enough to keep safe even if Three couldn’t land him stranded on the ship. One was a problem that Three didn’t know how to handle yet, but that didn’t mean having the man point a gun to his heart made fear spark for even an instant.

Instead, he wanted to laugh because One had no idea all the ways Three wanted to push him, what he wanted to push him into, and Three didn’t try to hide how smug he was over it. Three may not have had his memories, but he had his instincts and One’s secret, he was ahead of the game and unafraid of turning his back to walk away.

Maybe they didn’t like each other all that much, not that they could comfortably announce, but One wouldn’t be able to hold onto that moral high ground if he shot a man in the back and Three had to go first to take care of any threats.

One was not a threat.

Protect.

***

Three didn’t know if he believed One wasn’t a criminal or not, but he knew that One believed it and that was important because they didn’t have much anymore, just a designation and what they chose to make of themselves, no past to guide them or dictate their choices. It was freeing, but it was so much more that that, it was infuriating because there were so many impulses and instincts built into his code that he couldn’t understand the importance of.

There wasn’t context, but sometimes that was a good thing since it made it so easy to lie without being caught because who could say what you were capable of when you didn’t even know yourself?

It made it so easy to lie and lead One on, because One didn’t know if Two really would jump on Three after turning him down or not, he didn’t know if Three would take her up on the offer, either. All he had were assumptions tinged with jealousy and just like Three had said with Two, feelings meant the loss of rationality and he didn’t know if any of them were thinking clearly.

Three considered it an act of kindness not to point out to One just who he couldn’t tear his eyes off of at Two’s bedroom when One confronted him about being there, but he did make sure to trample on any hopes that Two would want One.

 _Yeah, we’ll see,_ One had said, as if winning Two’s hand could be a competition between them when One didn’t even have the first clue what his problem was.

 _Yeah, well see,_ Three had echoed, because he wouldn’t fight One for Two, but he would fight to keep One for himself.

He could likely trust Two with One, but that didn’t mean he wanted to, he didn’t even want to share and Three had no intention of doing so as long as there was a chance he could keep One and Two apart.

***

Three was willing to come up with quite a few labels for himself to ease others into a sort of understanding about him if necessary because some of them just seemed to fit. Weapons enthusiast was one, thrill seeker was another, but he was willing to change it to adrenaline junkie if necessary. Space pirate sounded nice and he didn’t actually know a term used for someone with a great sense of navigation that sounded bad ass enough to be fitting, but one thing Three was fairly confident he wasn’t was a masochist.

So his emotions concerning One were, to be simple about it, confusing. Complicated and complex were nice words as well, but that all sounded like polite dressing for the truth, which was that One triggered an instinct to throw himself in front of a bullet even when he was perfectly capable of acknowledging the younger man was a little shit.

Three may have wanted him, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to strangle One at times, either.

Or gag him, at the very least, which was a very pretty, appealing thought for a pretty boy that tripped his temper like he was trying to get Three caught up in a burst of anger. He might have been mad when he finally snapped at One in that hallway, but every word was sincere, something he’d thought time and again and considered to be true. Just like One believed he wasn’t a criminal, Three believed he acted like he was better because of it, but Three refused to be treated like he was a scumbag just because he wasn’t a saint, he refused to be singled out for his crimes when the others had their own rap sheets. The thing that One seemed to keep missing with all of his judgmental behavior was that Three wanted to provide for everyone no matter what it cost to do it, that he wanted to protect One even when he made it so damn hard to do.

He hadn’t said they were fine because he was an idiot, he’d said it because he’d be dead before anything happened to One on his watch. Just a little faith, that was all he asked for.

Not all he _wanted_ , but Three would go one single thing at a time no matter how long it may take to obtain it all. Three would have thought he’d earned a little trust if it hadn’t been for the blackmail, and maybe he had earned just a little because telling One to shut up when he was mid-sentence wasn’t met with the temper tantrum it could have been. One tried to question him once and then shut up. If it hadn’t been for the danger Three knew was learning somewhere inside the halls, he would have been pleased by the way One listened to him, falling quietly into line behind him as they crept through the halls, alert and readily armed.

One might have said that guns were a precaution and he might have panicked over the way Three unleashed bullets at that cannibal, but Three wasn’t going to apologize or pamper him about it; he was going to do his damn job and keep One safe.

***

The funny thing was, he never expected One to save him in return.

Three had thought, _fuck, I’m dead_ , and, _he better be smart enough to make it on his own_. He didn’t ask One to save him, never would have, and it was terrifying to see One to slip further from safety and closer to him, it seemed unreal to think One was putting himself at risk until he started counting, and even then there was a delay before Three’s brain could accept it and he could announce the next number.

It made him feel a little dazed when they landed safely, the door closing away the breach behind him, and Three wondered if it counted as a near death experience because his heart was beating out an unsteady rhythm while his emotions piled up, different responses to different things twisting together so that he wasn’t sure how to proceed. Three was too much a man of action to deal well with uncertainty, but it was there, conveyed in the press of One’s body against his side as they sat slumped together, breathing heavily.

One shouldn’t have needed to save him, the fact that Three needed saving felt debilitating and the knowledge that One had bothered… well, it was hard not to feel touched even though Three knew he shouldn’t. One would have done it for anyone… he was moral like that.

Because the guy saved his life, Three listened as One went off about the need for a plan, frayed around the edges but managing to keep it together and it helped explain things, just a little to him. Even when he was freaked out about cannibalistic monsters, he was still calm enough to manage an escape, still thinking despite the fear. One was the intellect to his strength, providing the plans that Three was supposed to carry out and thinking about it that way made Three feel better about his fierce urge to protect One because at least then there would be a point to protecting him other than looking out for a pretty face.

Besides that, Three almost liked that One was witty, that he would back off the way he did when Three told him to shut up, but was clever enough to banter with him back and forth, was brave enough on insisting they have a plan before proceeding. One wasn’t always a push-over, he would stand by his convictions until someone managed to overrule him and that was the best part because having One give in and listen was always so sweet despite the effort it could take.

It made One interesting even if he did say _You’re welcome_ like he was cursing Three’s existence and Three said _thank you_ even if he did begrudge needing rescuing, then he made sure to feed into One’s doubts and insecurities about the team and just how quickly they would discard him. Keeping One’s secret was the best way to keep One with him, but it would stop working just as soon as One felt secure enough on the Raza to tell everyone the truth, a potential event that would turn Three into the distrustful member that kept secrets from them all.

 _Two would understand,_ One said, making her name sound like a safety tether.

 _Would she?,_ Three replied, hating the way Two came up between them, but more than willing to use her as a weapon.

 _You sure about that?,_ He added, knowing One wasn’t.

He wanted One to doubt her loyalty, to remember that it was to the well-being of her crew as a whole instead of to a single person, and Three didn’t mention the way One had found him in her room because it wouldn’t be helpful to his cause if he thought Three would whisper in her ear to send him away. Besides, if Two ever voted against One, Three knew he would fight tooth and nail to make sure nothing happened to One.

Follow Two and protect One, it was disturbing how easily he could decide which held the higher priority without any regard to his personal gain at all.

 ***

He’d like to think their ability to pass out next to each other was a show of something like trust, but Three wasn’t going to lie to himself by pretending it was anything other than a crash.  Safety and shortness of breath robbed them of their consciousness as they sat there in silence, One plotting while Three stayed companionably by his side, waiting for his word to move, ready to kill anything that might find them.

It was such a strange compulsion to have for someone he couldn’t stand, but it was still there beating out a steady rhythm in his head, the need to protect protect protect and Three wondered what it was about One that his mind couldn’t remember and his body couldn’t forget. He couldn’t stand him, but he had to keep One safe.

***

As far as genius plans went, kicking the cannibals in the head wasn’t that complex and doing it to a downed adversary didn’t seem very sportsmanlike, but then again, he wasn’t a sportsman. Three was a criminal and a straightforward attack was more his style than a complicated cloak and dagger assault strategy, so he didn’t argue the idea and placed his trust in One by saying only that he better be right before preparing to go down the hole. There wasn’t even a need to coordinate their actions, he told One to shine the light and that was it, he descended into danger while making sure One stayed overhead where it was safe.

It was a little heartening to hear the terror in One’s voice when the cannibals woke up, the most panicked he’d ever heard One with the exception of when he shot the first monster. If it wasn’t for having seen One in action, Three would almost think One had a problem with guns, but no, One was only worried about the integrity of the ship then. That could have been a trigger because of a forgotten memory, or maybe something about the creatures themselves called out that level of terror in One. So many questions, zero answers.

No, one answer, and it was to a very important question.

Was One safe?

Yes.

There was a second question on Three’s mind, something it felt selfish to think or even care about when Three knew it shouldn’t matter and yet it continued to rattle around his head the same way the fresh air did inside of his lungs. If One panicked the first time because of the hull’s integrity, did he panic the second time because of Three’s safety or because of the ship?

That wasn't a question Three was going to ask, no matter how much he'd like to know.

 _You’re welcome,_ Three said instead, not trying to mock or providing One a chance to reply before pushing them onward. Three didn’t want a coerced or resentful thanks, he only wanted it if it was something natural, if it was intuitive for One to acknowledge when Three did something with good intentions instead of snark because he automatically believed the worst. He didn’t do it to hear One say thank you, he did it so One would know he would have his back, that he would look out for his team.

Protect, protect, protect.

***

They'd reached the shuttle and Six was taking them away from the dead and the diseased, the short trip to the Raza providing a few precious minutes to sink into a soft seat and just breathe, the sound of communications from the ship washing over them as Three kept his hands spread out on his thighs. His fingers felt strangely empty when they weren't wrapped around a gun, but they were _safe._

***

The encounters on the ship didn’t make Three like the idea of going to an infirmary any more than he did before, but he went anyway, following after One who couldn’t hide the hurry in his pace to get to Two. That might have annoyed him under other circumstances, except Three could use a break from One and Two was infected, the clock counting down until her final goodbye. It seemed petty to resent eager visits to a dying woman.

Not that it was as simple as final orders from a strong, stoic captain or fierce denial from an emotionally choked up impostor, no, they were viewed with some level of suspicion because what if they believed inside that medical cell with her?

Three allowed himself to be subjected to the virus scan, but protested it's use for the both of them, feeling mildly offended anyone thought it was necessary. He wasn’t sloppy enough to get infected and he wouldn’t let that happen to One, but Three pushed him towards the scan first just to make sure and felt vindicated when it came up clear. As soon as his own health was confirmed, it took effort not to jump upright from the examine table, but his unease was covered by a cocksure attitude. It wasn’t like the scan revealed anything he didn’t already know and they should learn not to doubt him because their lack of faith in a fellow crewmember was appalling. Didn’t they realize that he, unlike a certain someone, was onboard the Raza for a reason?

He wanted out of the Infirmary badly, wanted to concentrate on the mission with such an intense focus that Three thought Two would approve if she wasn’t currently facing her own mortality, but he didn’t move quickly enough to escape the call of the bleeding heart. Stopping and pivoting on One’s word without even questioning it probably said things about himself Three didn’t want to admit, but it did allow him to witness the moment of pointless apology that he’d been waiting for ever since One took off for the infirmary.

Some people really didn’t want to see that, Three certainly didn’t want to see it, but he stood around waiting anyway because One told him to hold on and he expected a better reason for that than everyone needing to say a heartfelt goodbye to their captain.

He didn’t even see the vote coming and would have congratulated One on blindsiding him if it wasn’t for the fact he was also annoyed at One for flushing their chance at getting ahead right down the toilet. That money could have been repairs for the ship, food for their stomachs, and what was Two going to die for if they didn’t get anything out of the whole mess? But what annoyed him most of all about the entire thing, more even than One going against their deal, was the way he looked at Six for support to deal with him. One acted so brave with Six at his back, staring Three down like he was the enemy while Six was a trustworthy partner and that sort of behaviour made Three burn with a cocktail of betrayal and jealousy after everything that happened on the ship.

It made him grateful for the somber solitude that enveloped the ship as they waited for Two’s humanity to unravel, it was the perfect chance to sit and let the emotional build-up of the day finish bubbling beneath his skin to run off the frustration. Two dying wasn’t something welcomed or desired, but the anticipatory quiet before it was relished and the beep of the virus scanner saying it wouldn’t happen was impossible.

He checked the monitor not because he had something against Two, but because he didn’t trust that letting her out wouldn’t come back to bite them in the ass. The way One sounded so desperate to save her was another thing that had nothing to do Three’s disbelief because it just didn’t make _sense._ There wasn’t any cure for the virus at all, it couldn’t just go away without anything being done and it seemed more probable to Three that the second scan was wrong or for the wrong virus or even that the Android was manipulating the device to make it say Two was clear. She couldn’t just be _okay_ and the idea that she was tripped far too many warnings inside of Three’s head, who had learned after meeting Jace that things weren’t always as they appeared to be with his crewmates.

If One could look like Jace Corso without being him, who was to say Two couldn’t be a monster without looking like it?

Yet when they talked about Two’s freedom and if it was safe, Three didn’t vote against it, didn’t say anything at all and he knew without a doubt that One wouldn’t realize his silence kept them from being on different sides of the question. It had nothing to do with their deal and knowing One wouldn’t agree with his vote of no, just like it didn’t have anything to do with following Two. It _was_ about One, but not protecting him, it was about knowing what he wanted and letting him have it, no matter how much Three didn’t want to.

***

Saying it wasn’t disappointing to find Two outside his door instead of One after the insistent ringing would have been a lie, just like it was a lie when he said it was fine. He didn’t want to see her, the sight of One’s favoritism still burned on his eyes so that it replayed whenever he blinked, the sound of One’s desperation ringing in his ears like a gun's echo after shooting inside an enclosed area. Three wanted to drown it out by remember One’s warning cry when the infected crew of the other ship had woken up, but contrary to what others might believe, Three wasn’t that great at only acknowledging what he wanted.

He played it off, played it cool and he didn’t think Two noticed he wasn’t overjoyed to see her even if it did mean she was no longer holed up with One since he’d chased after her from the Infirmary. Any awkwardness that managed to slip into his behavior could be explained away by a long, draining day and Three even managed to slip in mention of his disappointment over their lack of resources. It was supposed to lead the conversation to remarks about how they would have better luck next time and find other jobs, how they should rest up to prepare, it wasn’t supposed to lead to a proposition from Two.

The day had been going on for too long for Three to have an immediate response to that and his thoughts when swiftly to One, the place where they so often dwelled, before the words would come to him. Claiming tiredness as an excuse felt wrong on his tongue because it was wrong, but it didn’t matter if Two believed it because Three allowed his eyes to fall to the patch on her neck and linger with painful obviousness on her wound.

Let her think the rejection was because he doubted her safety, because he was the one who claimed it was impossible and kept his mouth shut while the others discussed if she should be released or not. That was more acceptable than the truth and when Two claimed _next time_ , Three didn’t say there wouldn’t be a next time or that he felt too old to be caught in a triangle of desire.

Because that was the awful thing clogging up the back of his throat whenever he spoke to One, it was desire even when he couldn’t remember what One had ever done to become someone infinitely precious instead of merely a source of endless irritation and Three would rather choke on it than ever admit it. Perhaps he could have admitted it before the memory loss or maybe he had, things could have been worse between them for all Three knew, but he doubted it because there was a reason he woke up with feelings even if they did belong to a time he couldn't remember.

***

The closest Two and Three ever came to a next time was the next day when he sought her out to make an offer that had clung to the edge of his thoughts ever since the door closed between them the previous night. She’d been on her way to do something, obviously something important by the way she didn’t slow down because Three found it hard to picture Two allowing a member of her crew to make her so uncomfortable that she would actively avoid them, but he caught her wrist in his hand and she stopped.

The grip wasn’t tight, it could have been easily broken even if Two wasn’t such a skilled fighter and they both knew it, Two’s eyebrow up in question even before Three started talking, his voice a secretive murmur. “So, uh, I’ve been thinking,” He began in a low tone that wouldn't carry any further than the space between them and Two moved a step closer as if expecting an offer, the motion making Three huff out a short laugh, a corner of his mouth curling up in a rueful smile.

“Yes?” Two prompted, her voice not betraying if she was feeling hopeful or exasperated or anything at all. That didn’t make it easier, strangely.

“We might not have had any fun together, but if One starts sniffing around you again, tell him that we did so he’ll back off.” Three said, wanting One to be happy, but not wanting it to be with her. It was selfish and something probably best left alone, but there was a thrill in the danger of wanting One that made him impossible to resist.

“You think I can’t handle him?” Two asked in amusement as she pulled her wrist free.

“I know you can,” Three agreed readily, not wanting besides himself to ever handle One. “But let's keep him from getting any ideas that would make things... complicated."


End file.
